i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
