I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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