Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
