I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
we're so committed to being not committed
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
