that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
