I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize