i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
