In the future we'll all be gay
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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