I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
