I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
