she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
