I cannot find my penis.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
