I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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