you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
