I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I bet he comes in French.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
