: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
