So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
