left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
