so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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