So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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