my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
