I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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