i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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