i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
