I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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