Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
