Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
