sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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