it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
