he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
