Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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