She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
