i just made my gag reflex go away.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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