She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
