He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
