imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
