I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
