literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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