I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
