Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
