I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
