Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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