if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
