New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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