I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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