I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
