She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
