We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
