please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize