Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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