As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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