if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize