# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
