So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
