if you like me you must not know who I am
kristin has been a bad kristin
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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