I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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