Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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