I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize