If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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