Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
