i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
