Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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