why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
