Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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