This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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