apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
