she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
