we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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